So I have been working on a post about the task of finding Zach a preschool and all that comes with that but for now I will just re-post Nathans amazing post about the way we both feel.
I think I am a little more excited about the everyday social part for Zach, yes I am really nervous but also so excited for him to have interaction with kiddos his own age. The big fear comes from wondering if he will truly get to be a part of the group.
Here is Nathans blog.
Strangers. Weird teachers. Classmates.
No one familiar. Nothing recognizable.
Handfuls of little 3-year-olds running around. Talking, talking, talking. Saying what they want, what they need, what they think. Asking question after question. Touching everything. Sitting on chairs at a table.
The crayons and paintbrushes to be manipulated by tiny little hands.
Snack time. Nap time. Sing-along songs with all the kids joining the chorus.
It’s a nightmare. All of it. Every little detail.
I’m scared of preschool.
Not that I’m going back to it. Though, God knows I would love to go back to the childhood innocence of the preschool-age without the responsibilities, bills, politics and world events to stress over.
No, not me in preschool. I’m scared for Zach.
As we close out 2009, Zachary’s third birthday is right around the corner in the first week of March. And he starts preschool.
Granted it’s a “pre” preschool program, it’s still going to be a school environment. It’s us leaving him there … helpless.
You see, Zachary still can’t sit, stand, walk/run, talk. How is he going to get by in preschool?
Mom nor Dad will be there to interpret his personal sign language. How will the teacher know his sign for “juice” or “more”? And even if the teacher knows Zach’s signs, will they take enough care to help him? Or will they be too preoccupied with all the typical little kids running around? Will he have a one-on-one aide? Will he get the assistance he needs and will they have the patience with him? What will it be like for him in that environment? What will he be thinking?
Will the other kids be constantly asking, “What’s wrong with him?” Will the other kids shy away from him because he’s different and through watching their parents’ actions they learned to reject anything different? Will the three-year-olds have the ability to tease and make fun? Will they establish their tiny little pecking order and peck Zach out?
We’re not going to be there to explain to each and every little rascal about Zach, every time the question comes up. We will have no ability to stop any teasing when we’re not there. We can’t tell him to sit up straight when he starts leaning to his weaker left-side; or to help him hold a crayon and put pressure to paper when it’s time for coloring.
I’m scared of preschool.
Renee and I love focusing and reporting on the positive progress Zach is making because it is all true and we are very proud of him. Yet the other side to that truth is the “can’ts” that haunt his preschool resume, if we were to look at it with blunt, harsh honesty. And that makes me scared.
For parents of typical kids, preschool is frightening for the child because it’s a new environment, new people, new faces, new schedules. I’d imagine (but won’t say definitively) that those parents are excited for their little ones to attend preschool, even if the child has initial, understandable hesitations and worries. The thing is, these worries can be communicated between typical child and parent. The typical 3-year-old can speak their thoughts in sentences and communicate what they want, need or how they feel.
Zach can’t. Well not the way a typical child does at least. Zach says “mama, dada, nana, papa, all done”, clearly and with purpose. He’s just starting to use a communication device, but communication needs to be prompted with Zach, it’s not always done from his own initiative.
Zach rolls on the floor and can army crawl. Imagine yourself laying on your back on the floor or on your stomach and imagine 15 people standing around you, walking around, running, playing, etc. Imagine not being able to say, “Hey, please don’t step right next to my face!” or “I really don’t like you running and jumping over me while I’m laying here.” Imagine you can only grunt, yell, scream or cry. And now imagine that form of communication irritating other kiddos and irritating a teacher.
I’m scared of preschool.
I have no answers or solutions for my fear. This frustrates me, especially as a father who always wants to find the “fix-it” solution to problems in life. I got nothing. And that too is scary and it hurts. The only thing I can do is move forward, as we always do. Take Zach into my arms and talk to him about preschool and let him hear my voice and hope he understands. We’ll make sure to thoroughly shop for the right preschool program and do what we can to ensure his needs are met. We may have to get him a wheelchair (that’s a whole other blog post) for his school setting.
And so we march on into a new era of Zach’s life, going from two to three-years-old. He’s an awesome little trooper with a heart full of joy. He’ll reach this milestone without knowing all the legal ramifications the age of 3 brings with it for a child with special needs (for those that don’t know, 3 marks a switch with early intervention services provided through the I.D.E.A. law. In order to receive services such as physical/occupational/speech therapy he needs to be enrolled in school). Heck, he may get excited about going to preschool and have a blast with the kids there.
But for now, I’m still scared of preschool.
