Monday, October 22, 2012

Deep Breath...VENT. Rambling.

Before I write the update on how things are going (it will be posted in a few minutes) I need a moment to, take a deep breath, have a good scream/cry/vent, then remember how blessed I am. (this post may end up being me rambling on, so bare with me)

There are days I am just overwhelmed with emotions and I'm not sure what to do with them! There are days I wonder, and wonder, and wonder...

This morning was a bit rough...I've had a cold/allergy issues for the past week and half now and not feeling so hot.  Even though I wasn't feeling well this morning I thought I would do some walking with Zak (he has been doing sooooo good with walking at school. Always does it with a smile on his face) and he fought me to the death! He screamed, cried, bit and refused to walk for more than 30 minutes, it ended up taking us 45 minutes to walk 30-40 steps with his walker. I had made the decision, I was NOT going to give up, I told him where we were walking to and we kept at it till we made it...kicking and screaming!!! I get so discouraged sometimes, Zak does sooooo well with other people but the second I ask him to do something he fights, and fights, and fights??? :-(

Being away from home for a month (we are on week four!!) has been an interesting experience for me. I have always been a "homebody", I love staying home and just hanging out.  I don't think I've ever been away from home for more than two weeks and those were for "fun" vacations.  So even though I will always do what Nathan and I think is best for Zachary, it sure does take me out of my comfort zone to be here so long! I think my whole life is lived "out my my comfort zone" now!

The first three weeks flew by because I had a friend here with me going through the same thing. Her son was in Zak's class at CLC. She was actually in a more challenging situation because her husband could not be here with her, she is AMAZING. Thanks for everything LEAH!!!

This week it's just us, and I am hoping to have more "down time" to write, read and study.  Guess we will see if that ends up being true!

I know, I was kind of all over the place...just needed to vent for a minute.

This was what my morning looked like, only worse!!! This kid is amazingly strong, SO it makes him amazingly stubborn :-)


  1. I love you Renee - keep at it. I know it's hard but you are SO strong, just like your son. As he gets older it will get easier it just takes time. Always praying for you! xoxo

  2. Elijah does the same for me. We had a great feeding session earlier this week with an OT and SLP. I was so thrilled. Later, I tried to do the same things. Screaming, tears, head-banging. Ugh. For me, he wouldn't take a single bite. I have to admit I shed some tears with him. I do think it's common for kids to perform differently for a parent than a teacher/therapist, but boy is it frustrating!

    I hear you on the comfort zone, too. We've left home in the past to do therapy for Eli and it was hard. I'm a homebody and a bit of a wall flower, generally. Can't sit on the sidelines when your kid has differences, you're always on display.

    Hang in there, you're doing great!