I am so amazed at all the women I know who have or want more than one child. I must just be too selfish. I love the “idea” of a sibling for Zach, but if I think about it for more than a few minutes it scares the beegebees out of me. For me it is all about what it takes to have another baby - the sickness, the weight gain, the surgery, having two kids that don’t always sleep through the night, having two kids that can’t talk, having two kids that can’t walk, the unknown, THE FEAR.
I have said so many times that I am willing to try one more time, first because my husband wants another child more than anything and second because a sibling really is a good thing for Zach.
The biggest issue I have is WHEN? Every time I think I am ready and willing I end up changing my mind. I am still trying to figure out what it is keeping me from being “ready.”
When I look at families with more than one child, I get so overwhelmed at the idea. But when I look at families with just one, I think it is sad for the child to not have a sibling to play with. I just don’t know; it seems to me like I am just not happy either way.
So many people ask me if it’s because I am scared I could have another child with special needs? I really don’t think it is. I’m sure the fear is there, but it is not really something I think about. It’s more that I think about how different it will be to have a typical child. To have a child I have to run after, a child asking endless questions, a child who exhausts me physically, a child who is just like I thought I wanted, but now I don’t have a clue what to do with.
Will I have enough time to work with Zach like he needs? Will my other child feel left out because we are always doing things for Zach?
I really do believe God knows better than I do what is good for me, but the selfish part of me is having a really hard time letting go and letting Him be in control right now. I want to allow Him to lead me and show me what is best, but my fears always end up getting in my way. I have allowed my fears to control me for most of my life and I think it’s about time for me to let go and think about positives and not think about the fear.
I so get this post. My twins will turn 3 in September and we have been struggling with this decision pretty much since they were born.
ReplyDeleteMy husband has pretty much decided that he wants another one. He can't explain why...but just feels that our family isn't complete yet. Plus, I personally think he really wants a little girl.
I am not so certain. I did not enjoy pregnancy one bit. I'm scared to death that I'll end up pregnant with twins again. That I'll deliver early. And all that stuff. Scary stuff to me. Plus, life is just so good right now.
I have similar thoughts that you do. Three kids just amazes me. We'd be outnumbered. We'd have 2 kids that can't walk (only one of our twins has CP).
I think we will likely have the 3rd baby (just hopefully not 3rd and 4th!)...Since I basically don't think it's possible to regret having a child...but it is definitely possible to regret NOT having a child.
Also, it would be simply fantastic for Zach to have a sibling. I feel so blessed that my Ben has his twin, Daniel to motivate and push him. I KNOW with absolute certainty that Ben would not do many of the things he does (like climb up on the couch) if it weren't for Daniel. Plus...I love watching their relationship. So special.
Good luck with your decision. I know it's a really hard one.
Same situation over here too. For me though, I fear that we will have another child with needs. Why does that scare me so...it's all I know and we're doing just fine. I wonder if I'd be able to handle a typical child. Life is good now and throwing a baby in the mix is beyond scary. Some days I think I can handle it, other days not so much. But God willing, Oia will get a sibling. Bottom line, she deserves it.
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya! And our kids are the same age, so I know how pressureful it starts to get right about now. I've decided that we'll "try" for a bit, but if it doesn't work out then I plan on settling in nicely with the family I have right now.
ReplyDelete