Who is Really in Control

It still amazes me how two people who are so different can get married and really make it work the way Nathan and I have.

Nathan LOVES being outdoors and being active.  I LOVE just hanging out indoors and doing nothing.

This past week we went on an 8-day vacation (thanks to Nathan’s parents) in Estes Park, CO.  We hiked, shopped, tasted wine, ate yummy food, fished, hiked some more, shopped some more, drove through Rocky Mountain National Park and had a little bit of time to just hang out.

Something about me (everyone who knows me is aware of this) is that I have a very abnormal FEAR, FEAR, FEAR of bears and mountain lions.  This makes hiking or camping in the woods very difficult, if not impossible with me.  Nathan and I have been married for over 5 years and together for over 6 and we have never been camping together, something Nathan LOVES to do. 

I am amazed at how God works on me every chance He gets and shows me that He is in control, not me.  When I am forced out of my comfort zone, He always shows me that I can trust Him because He is in control.

I prayed for days, if not weeks, before the trip that I would feel a peace and not have fear while we were there.  I was blown away there was not one moment of overwhelming fear. I will not say I did not have moments of worry, but I never had a panic moment that I was expecting to have. 

This made me think about our life in general - no matter what happens or where I am, I am not the one in control.  I feel so blessed to have reached a point where I do feel a peace in most areas of my life.  I would have NEVER thought after getting Zach’s diagnosis that this was possible.  I never thought I would be able to say having a child with special needs really has been a blessing in ways hard to put into words. 

I would never wish the struggle Zach will have in his life on anyone but then again who am I to say that his or our struggle is any more than the girl who has a hard time making friends, or the single person who feels lonely everyday, or the child with cancer who is cured after 2 years of treatment never to look back, or the widow who feels sad every time she sits down for dinner with no one to talk to, or the teen who started doing drugs to be cool and now can’t stop.  Who am I to say that God did not ALWAYS know exactly what Zach’s brain would look like and every struggle that his body would have to move in a “typical” way. 

As hard as life can be I have no doubt in my mind that where I am at any given moment is where I am supposed to be, hard or easy, happy or sad.  My worries for Zach and what our life will look like in the future will always be there, but I am reminded at every turn that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel or a positive that will come from a negative, even if we don’t want to see it in the moment, it will come. 

Knowing good can come from any situation has nothing to do with understanding why. I believe it comes from trust that Someone knows much better than I do what is good for me in the long run.  We are all here to help each other. this life is not about us; it is about showing a love everyone longs for.