Only other parents who have experienced having a child who is not "typical" can understand how it feels. Only we can understand how it feels to hear a diagnosis that breaks your heart. Only we can know how it feels to watch our kids try so hard to do things that come so easy to everyone else. Only we know the pressure that comes with trying to make the right choices for our children who do not have voices for themselves.
So why, with all of this, do we have to be so hard on the only people who really understand what we are going through? Why is the divorce rate so high among families with a child with special needs? Why, when we meet other families going through similar things, do we start to compare? Why do people judge what we think is best for our children? Why can't we just open up about our fears and frustrations and not be judged? Why can't we ask for advice without being bombarded with negativity? Why?I believe there is one solution for all of these questions - to be positive and supportive. I think some simple advice is fine and much needed sometimes, but once advice is given, we need to leave parents to make the choice that is best for their child and their family.
There is no need to keep pushing them; you have said what you felt led to say. Now it is up to them. Support is what we all need. We face enough negatives everyday from so many different sources that with each other we need to just be there.
No more of the "I'm right and you are wrong" attitudes. No "my treatment is better than your treatment", or "why would you do that? You're crazy!" No "why wouldn't you do this?!"
Just be there for each other, just be a good friend. I think we need to stand strong as parents and as a community, we need to be there for each other and encourage one another. The internet really is an amazing thing, you can make good friends and create a strong support system, even if you don't get to see them face to face very often.
Know that for every negative thing you experience there are twice as many positives waiting for you, you just have to be looking for them.
Know that for every negative thing you experience there are twice as many positives waiting for you, you just have to be looking for them.
I think this is a good message for familes of both special needs and those that are in the "norm".
ReplyDeleteI think alot of people would rather gain the support of others through sympathy rather than empathy. We get more attention when people feel sorry for us vs. when we just live the way we WANT to live.
I agree with your post Nee but I think it needs to be broadened to the general population of every family type. To say that either is better support than the other is where the judgements start. We should all support each other irregardless of what we have going on in our own lives. I agree that families who share similarities will have more ability to empathize but people who judge will be judged.
I love you and this is an important message. Thanks for sharing!
I know how you feel--so many people have an "idea" about what is right. I mean, do they really think that you haven't considered it all? It can be hard.
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