Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Day 5

Today my husband gave to me a five piece corkscrew wine opening set and a poem in a Christmas tree!

I just love it when Nathan gets creative because he is so good at it. I wish it happened more often, wink wink!

I will post pictures when I have them all.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Positive things about having a child with special needs

The positive things about having a special needs child

1. I get to hold my almost 3 year old as he falls asleep. (not all the time, he does have to go to bed by himself at night)
2. He can entertain himself for hours in one spot on the floor.
3. I don't have to run after him all day.
4. He rarely gets dirty.
5. He has opened my eyes to compassion and patience. (still working on the patience but getting better)
6. He can sit on our lap for hours without getting fussy or wanting down.
7. He has changed who I am and how I view the world and other people.
8. He has taken Nathan and I on a journey that we would have never dreamed of or asked for but, WOW, it is going to be an awesome ride for sure.
9. What we go through with him brings Nathan and I closer everyday.  (it is a LOT of work because we are so different and deal with everything in opposite ways but so worth it)
10. I get to learn about things I would have never even thought about before I had him. (I really do love learning things about the way our bodies and minds work, just wish we had more info)
11. I still complain (too often) but when I do I always think about how hard it is for him to do everyday things and I think twice about my complaints and how trivial they really are.
12. My house gets messy from me and not from toys all over the house.
13. He doesn't hurt himself by running, falling, jumping or any of the other crazy stuff little ones do.

There are others but I will just post another list as I think of them.

Please believe I would take every one of these things everyday if it meant life didn't have to be so hard for Zach, but for now this is not the plan that God has for us.  I want to accept and thank God every day for the gift he has given us in Zachary, no wishing he was different,  just accepting what ever Gods plan is. My only wish would be that life didn't have to be so hard for my little man, but really life is hard for everyone just in different ways, Zachs difficulty just happens to be physical for now. Zach is not ours, he belongs to God and He has trusted us to do everything possible for Zach, and we will, no matter what it takes.

I will never stop praying that God's plan for Zach includes the healing of damage in his brain in some way.

3rd and 4th day

On the 3rd day of the trip my husband got for me 3 french pens (writing pens) and a poem in a Christmas tree!

On the 4th day of the trip my husband got for me 4 bottles of wine (small bottles) and a poem in a Christmas tree.

Oh how I wish I could have some of the wine, but still working on the weight loss while he is gone. I am doing great I've lost 7.5 pounds as of this morning!! Hoping for 5 more before he gets home, we will see.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


So I have been working on a post about the task of finding Zach a preschool and all that comes with that but for now I will just re-post Nathans amazing post about the way we both feel.
I think I am a little more excited about the everyday social part for Zach, yes I am really nervous but also so excited for him to have interaction with kiddos his own age.  The big fear comes from wondering if he will truly get to be a part of the group.
Here is Nathans blog.

Strangers. Weird teachers. Classmates.

No one familiar. Nothing recognizable.

Handfuls of little 3-year-olds running around. Talking, talking, talking. Saying what they want, what they need, what they think. Asking question after question. Touching everything. Sitting on chairs at a table.

The crayons and paintbrushes to be manipulated by tiny little hands.

Snack time. Nap time. Sing-along songs with all the kids joining the chorus.

It’s a nightmare. All of it. Every little detail.

I’m scared of preschool.

Not that I’m going back to it. Though, God knows I would love to go back to the childhood innocence of the preschool-age without the responsibilities, bills, politics and world events to stress over.
No, not me in preschool. I’m scared for Zach.

As we close out 2009, Zachary’s third birthday is right around the corner in the first week of March. And he starts preschool.

Granted it’s a “pre” preschool program, it’s still going to be a school environment. It’s us leaving him there … helpless.

You see, Zachary still can’t sit, stand, walk/run, talk. How is he going to get by in preschool?

Mom nor Dad will be there to interpret his personal sign language. How will the teacher know his sign for “juice” or “more”? And even if the teacher knows Zach’s signs, will they take enough care to help him? Or will they be too preoccupied with all the typical little kids running around? Will he have a one-on-one aide? Will he get the assistance he needs and will they have the patience with him? What will it be like for him in that environment? What will he be thinking?

Will the other kids be constantly asking, “What’s wrong with him?” Will the other kids shy away from him because he’s different and through watching their parents’ actions they learned to reject anything different? Will the three-year-olds have the ability to tease and make fun? Will they establish their tiny little pecking order and peck Zach out?

We’re not going to be there to explain to each and every little rascal about Zach, every time the question comes up. We will have no ability to stop any teasing when we’re not there. We can’t tell him to sit up straight when he starts leaning to his weaker left-side; or to help him hold a crayon and put pressure to paper when it’s time for coloring.

I’m scared of preschool.

Renee and I love focusing and reporting on the positive progress Zach is making because it is all true and we are very proud of him. Yet the other side to that truth is the “can’ts” that haunt his preschool resume, if we were to look at it with blunt, harsh honesty. And that makes me scared.

For parents of typical kids, preschool is frightening for the child because it’s a new environment, new people, new faces, new schedules. I’d imagine (but won’t say definitively) that those parents are excited for their little ones to attend preschool, even if the child has initial, understandable hesitations and worries. The thing is, these worries can be communicated between typical child and parent. The typical 3-year-old can speak their thoughts in sentences and communicate what they want, need or how they feel.

Zach can’t. Well not the way a typical child does at least. Zach says “mama, dada, nana, papa, all done”, clearly and with purpose. He’s just starting to use a communication device, but communication needs to be prompted with Zach, it’s not always done from his own initiative.

Zach rolls on the floor and can army crawl. Imagine yourself laying on your back on the floor or on your stomach and imagine 15 people standing around you, walking around, running, playing, etc. Imagine not being able to say, “Hey, please don’t step right next to my face!” or “I really don’t like you running and jumping over me while I’m laying here.” Imagine you can only grunt, yell, scream or cry. And now imagine that form of communication irritating other kiddos and irritating a teacher.

I’m scared of preschool.

I have no answers or solutions for my fear. This frustrates me, especially as a father who always wants to find the “fix-it” solution to problems in life. I got nothing. And that too is scary and it hurts. The only thing I can do is move forward, as we always do. Take Zach into my arms and talk to him about preschool and let him hear my voice and hope he understands. We’ll make sure to thoroughly shop for the right preschool program and do what we can to ensure his needs are met. We may have to get him a wheelchair (that’s a whole other blog post) for his school setting.

And so we march on into a new era of Zach’s life, going from two to three-years-old. He’s an awesome little trooper with a heart full of joy. He’ll reach this milestone without knowing all the legal ramifications the age of 3 brings with it for a child with special needs (for those that don’t know, 3 marks a switch with early intervention services provided through the I.D.E.A. law. In order to receive services such as physical/occupational/speech therapy he needs to be enrolled in school). Heck, he may get excited about going to preschool and have a blast with the kids there.

But for now, I’m still scared of preschool.

The 8 days of Nathans trip, Day 1 and Day 2

The 8 days of Nathans trip

The 1st yesterday was a poem called "You Are" about me and our relationship.

Nathan said to me on the phone last night "don't be mad about some of the gifts" and I didn't know why he said I do.

I got to open my first wrapped gift this morning and it was 2 turtle candies (my favorite, even though I don't think he knew that) and a poem called "God's Masterpiece is Mother". The reason I don't like this is, we are leaving for San Diego as soon as Nathan gets home from this trip and while he is gone I am doing really strict dieting. I am only doing the dieting because I have gained some weight back from all the Christmas cookies and fudge.

So I was going to post some pictures of the gifts but a picture of 2 turtle candies looks kind of gross, so I will wait and see what tomorrow brings!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Jacques 30th B-day/70s Party

My best friend is getting married and she planned a huge surprise party for her hubby to be and we had it at our house. It was 70s themed because he was born in 1979 and it was awesome. We had a dance floor with disco ball and all, all 70s music, lots of food, Rock Band on the Wii and even a make your own pet rock station. The turn out was great and it was so much fun! Here are some pictures from the night. These are just a couple and when I figure out video on this thing I will post the video.

8 gifts for 8 days

My husband travels quite a bit for his job and I probably complain about it a little too much. I really have started getting used to it but would still prefer to have him home any day over not.
He knows how hard it is on me when he travels so this time he did something awesome, since its getting close to Christmas he left me a numbered envelope to go with a numbered gift to open each day that he is gone. I am so excited about this that it really takes every thing I've got not to open them all at once, but I wont! I will post pictures of what my gifts are as the days go on. Today, day 1 I got a poem. Nathan is a writer so this is one of the best gifts I can get from him, I LOVE IT!

Weight loss

So many reasons for this post...number one is because my husband says I am obsessed with and talk way too much about weight/diets/working out and food. Anyone who knows me knows that these things have always been an interest of mine.
Now that I have found something that really works for me I am actually willing to post the before and after pictures. The first picture below was taken at the start of the diet (June of 09, after 2 years of trying to lose weight by just working out and fad diets) the 2nd and 3rd pictures were taken after 2 rounds of the diet each lasting 23 days. So a total of 6 weeks of the actual diet and 6 weeks in all of low carb eating.  All loss shown is from June 09 - September 09.
I am so happy to have found something that works for me! I will not say that its easy, because its not, but it is short. I have to keep telling my self over and over you can do anything for 3 weeks, its only 3 weeks.
I'm going to do it one more time in January because I really let myself go during the holidays so far. So we will see what happens.